you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
