It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
