Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
