Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
My feet surprised me
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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