Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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