I need help removing her.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
