You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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