Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
