I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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