How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
