Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
She needs sedatives and a leash
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
