Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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