I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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