she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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