shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
