last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just invented taco cereal.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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