I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
