remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I would fuck him just for his dog
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
