Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
