I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
