If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
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