so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
