I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Reggie can tackle my bush.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
