My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
