Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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