Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
