i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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