I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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