shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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