I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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