Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I want to fling myself into the sun
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
