my vag is so smooth its legendary
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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