my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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