I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
