you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
