even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
