the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
