i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
