...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
