I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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