JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
