I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
