Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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