But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Randomize
