i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
