He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
ugly people sure do ruin things
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
