It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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