Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
