Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
