i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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