About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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