So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
