I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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