Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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