I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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