booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
